Self-worth and Accomplishments

I recently came across an article on Thought Catalog by a Ms. Amy Glass (which was just a pen name...turns out.) This is the first time I have read anything on TC, and after such an ignorant article and all the outing that has happened as consequence, that is the last time I will ever read or give credibility to any articles from their site.
OK. Now on to the real reason for this post. The article was all about how she looks down on young women who are married and have children, because they took the 'easy' path. In her opinion, anyone can find somebody to marry, and doing so, instead of moving on to pursue an education and vocational goals, somehow lowers a woman's self-worth and her ability to accomplish anything in life.

I know that the real author, Chrissy, used a pen name to hide behind these ignorant thoughts and comments, because I don't think that she really believes them herself. That being said, they were no less ignorant and offensive.

I am a college graduate. I have a career. I have a husband and a child, and I am still not quite thirty. You can see why her comments would bother me, because I fall into that category. (Sort of.) After reading her article, I spent a couple of days trying to work through and organize the thoughts rolling around in my head, because I was honestly a bit perplexed why ignorant comments made by a stranger were getting to me like that. I think I figured out a little bit of it.

First, who has the right to define my joy? No matter the circumstances we find ourselves in, whether they be of our own doing or completely out of our control, we still have the power and decision to find joy. It is a choice. For example, I've been reading posts at themomentswestand.blogspot.com, and after such trials, she is happy. Does she hurt, yes. Will she ever really get over it, no. But that's ok, because she has made the choice to find joy in her life. Whenever I think my life is really rough and things are falling apart, all I have to do is jump on the internet for a few minutes and read a couple of blogs until I am bawling and can no longer breathe. Life is rough, and there is always something 'worse' happening to somebody else, but it's still beautiful.
Why?
Because life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

I have the right to my own joy, and my joy comes from my family. My joy comes from knowing that even though I haven't accomplished every goal and dream I ever had for my life, I am still happy and fulfilled. Do I sometimes think about what I might have accomplished had I waited to get married, or maybe the dream job I could land if I wasn't having babies, yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it, because I don't think it's wrong. It's just life. I chose to get married, and I have decided that the joy I find in my marriage and in my child is more fulfilling to me than any job or adventure.
And you know what, I know it's not like that for everybody. And that's fine.
But just because your priorities do not align with mine, and because perhaps your joy comes from other sources, does not give you the power to judge me as less.

I get so tired of people making comments (and reading articles...even in TIME magazine) about how having no children is so liberating. Oh, the FREEDOM!!!
You know what,
"Shut. Up!"

If you don't want kids, fine. If you value your vacations and a career and other accomplishments more than you do a child, that's your thing. Not mine. And that is fine. So quit rubbing it in my face that you think you are somehow more educated, more progressive or more fulfilled than I am. Do I think you don't know what you are missing out on, yes. Because remember, that family, that child that my husband and I created, who I nurtured and grew inside of my body for 9 LONG months, who I cried for while I completely and utterly exhausted all my physical strength bringing him into this world...he is everything to me. I look at his beautiful eyelashes, watch his little legs as he runs around making my house a complete disaster, and I rock him when he cries, knowing that I am his mother, and that he is truly a miracle. He is a life. And I, with my husband and God, created him. I'm not sure what greater 'thing' I could ever accomplish than creating a life and then being responsible to teach him, to mold him into an honest, hard-working, contributing member of society. And THAT, my dear Amy, is why I am trying to do it all over again. And maybe again after that!
This next point is a sensitive subject, so know that I tread as carefully as I can, and that my heart is full of love and compassion for those individuals who struggle. 
I have never felt the heartbreak of infertility, but I have sisters who do. I am not ignorant enough to say that I know how they feel each month when their body starts to cramp, when they have to watch, in complete despair as their body begins to menstruate, knowing that this won't be the month either. There are 12 months in every year, and they have to go through that every month, for years. I don't know how that feels, and I can't fathom that feeling, or the feeling of loss for women and men who have lost children, born and unborn. So know that I do not talk about my child to hurt you because you, for some reason that only God knows, have not been able to experience that. I simply write these feelings to defend my choice and your fervent desire to create life. It is sacred, and nobody has the right to tell us otherwise. Nobody has the right to belittle what we do. The long days and the sleepless nights.

In the end, I am glad that I read that article. Even though she generated that article and then even some of the subsequent response articles that she said were just to create a conversation and generate ideas (which I think is really, really strange,) I am happy I read it, because it helped me grasp a conviction. We have so many convictions/opinions/testimonies regarding any topic, but until they are challenged, we often don't take the time to really analyze those convictions, and we seldom give them a voice.

"...and men are, that they might have joy."

The WHY behind this blog

Therapy is the reason for this blog.
Well, I guess I need to be honest and admit that it's for therapy, and also for hope. When I sit and look at everything going on not only in my own life but around the world, I go crazy with the thoughts {words} rolling around in my head all day long. So, this is an effort to get some of those out. I don't plan on many people really reading this (and maybe I should hope they don't,) but in case you do, I hope that explains a bit.

So, yeah. Cheap therapy. For me. Maybe for somebody else. Either way, it's worth it.

Now, a little explanation for the name. Life is rough, and I know that it is rough for everybody. None of us will walk away unscathed when we leave this life. A couple of months ago, we found out that my dad has brain cancer. He had a large tumor on the right side of his brain that was starting to affect him in some weird ways. A couple of CT scans later, and they find a tumor. He has a form of brain cancer that is called GBM, or glioblastoma multiforme. It's bad. Like, really bad. The more I learn about it, the more depressed I feel. But, I'm sure this blog will be filled with plenty of information on that subject (because of my aforementioned need for therapy,) so for now I will get back to the name of the blog. Just after his diagnosis, I was staying up at my parents' home and was doing my hair in my little sister's bathroom. Tucked into the side of her mirror was a piece of paper with the following:

"The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way you use them."

Hmmm.
A bit profound, especially at that point in my life. We all struggle, and we all get hit so hard that sometimes we don't feel like we will ever get up, but that's just it, isn't it? If we don't get back up, we will never know where we could have ended up instead. Over these past few months, I have found that often, it's not even my own decision to turn those blocks into stones, but it has been another person grabbing me and pulling me up and over those blocks, giving me a place to stand. You never really know the profound effect you can have on somebody just by being kind, or simply smiling as you walk by. It's been interesting to see how people react when they know things are kinda sorta falling apart in your life... and I will be honest that it has taught me some great lessons about how I should treat others who are struggling. {And why don't I just say this here... I know we might feel uncomfortable and afraid that we will say the wrong thing (and sometimes we will,) but the people who are suffering KNOW that they are, so let's not try to ignore the elephant in the room. At the same time, we have to respect if they don't really want to expound-- but it's always better to say something than to act like nothing is wrong. Just sayin'} We all hurt for different reasons, and for some of us, using a stumbling block as a stepping stone is more difficult, no, almost impossible, at certain times.

Regardless of how poor the prognosis for our lives, if we sit in a fog of depression each and every morning, or if we feel completely inadequate because we sit and compare our lives and measure our self worth against the picture-perfect fantasies that people post online, it really is all about how we view it. I'm not saying that it's easy to do, because I'm pretty sure I haven't figured it out yet either. However, I know that there is a greater plan that the Lord has made for each of us, and while it may be hard to understand or accept, sometimes we have to accept the gut-wrenching idea that good things fall apart. No, perfect things fall apart and can come crashing down all around us, and they really don't make any sense at all. But, we never know what it will look like when those pieces are put back together. And that my friends, is hope.
Pure, unblemished hope.

XO-
Jessica