OK. Now on to the real reason for this post. The article was all about how she looks down on young women who are married and have children, because they took the 'easy' path. In her opinion, anyone can find somebody to marry, and doing so, instead of moving on to pursue an education and vocational goals, somehow lowers a woman's self-worth and her ability to accomplish anything in life.
I know that the real author, Chrissy, used a pen name to hide behind these ignorant thoughts and comments, because I don't think that she really believes them herself. That being said, they were no less ignorant and offensive.
I am a college graduate. I have a career. I have a husband and a child, and I am still not quite thirty. You can see why her comments would bother me, because I fall into that category. (Sort of.) After reading her article, I spent a couple of days trying to work through and organize the thoughts rolling around in my head, because I was honestly a bit perplexed why ignorant comments made by a stranger were getting to me like that. I think I figured out a little bit of it.
First, who has the right to define my joy? No matter the circumstances we find ourselves in, whether they be of our own doing or completely out of our control, we still have the power and decision to find joy. It is a choice. For example, I've been reading posts at themomentswestand.blogspot.com, and after such trials, she is happy. Does she hurt, yes. Will she ever really get over it, no. But that's ok, because she has made the choice to find joy in her life. Whenever I think my life is really rough and things are falling apart, all I have to do is jump on the internet for a few minutes and read a couple of blogs until I am bawling and can no longer breathe. Life is rough, and there is always something 'worse' happening to somebody else, but it's still beautiful.
Why?
Because life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful.
I have the right to my own joy, and my joy comes from my family. My joy comes from knowing that even though I haven't accomplished every goal and dream I ever had for my life, I am still happy and fulfilled. Do I sometimes think about what I might have accomplished had I waited to get married, or maybe the dream job I could land if I wasn't having babies, yes. I'm not ashamed to admit it, because I don't think it's wrong. It's just life. I chose to get married, and I have decided that the joy I find in my marriage and in my child is more fulfilling to me than any job or adventure.
And you know what, I know it's not like that for everybody. And that's fine.
But just because your priorities do not align with mine, and because perhaps your joy comes from other sources, does not give you the power to judge me as less.
I get so tired of people making comments (and reading articles...even in TIME magazine) about how having no children is so liberating. Oh, the FREEDOM!!!
You know what,
"Shut. Up!"
If you don't want kids, fine. If you value your vacations and a career and other accomplishments more than you do a child, that's your thing. Not mine. And that is fine. So quit rubbing it in my face that you think you are somehow more educated, more progressive or more fulfilled than I am. Do I think you don't know what you are missing out on, yes. Because remember, that family, that child that my husband and I created, who I nurtured and grew inside of my body for 9 LONG months, who I cried for while I completely and utterly exhausted all my physical strength bringing him into this world...he is everything to me. I look at his beautiful eyelashes, watch his little legs as he runs around making my house a complete disaster, and I rock him when he cries, knowing that I am his mother, and that he is truly a miracle. He is a life. And I, with my husband and God, created him. I'm not sure what greater 'thing' I could ever accomplish than creating a life and then being responsible to teach him, to mold him into an honest, hard-working, contributing member of society. And THAT, my dear Amy, is why I am trying to do it all over again. And maybe again after that!
This next point is a sensitive subject, so know that I tread as carefully as I can, and that my heart is full of love and compassion for those individuals who struggle.
I have never felt the heartbreak of infertility, but I have sisters who do. I am not ignorant enough to say that I know how they feel each month when their body starts to cramp, when they have to watch, in complete despair as their body begins to menstruate, knowing that this won't be the month either. There are 12 months in every year, and they have to go through that every month, for years. I don't know how that feels, and I can't fathom that feeling, or the feeling of loss for women and men who have lost children, born and unborn. So know that I do not talk about my child to hurt you because you, for some reason that only God knows, have not been able to experience that. I simply write these feelings to defend my choice and your fervent desire to create life. It is sacred, and nobody has the right to tell us otherwise. Nobody has the right to belittle what we do. The long days and the sleepless nights.
In the end, I am glad that I read that article. Even though she generated that article and then even some of the subsequent response articles that she said were just to create a conversation and generate ideas (which I think is really, really strange,) I am happy I read it, because it helped me grasp a conviction. We have so many convictions/opinions/testimonies regarding any topic, but until they are challenged, we often don't take the time to really analyze those convictions, and we seldom give them a voice.
"...and men are, that they might have joy."
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